


Reek's new and improved vocabulary

by sydnisan



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, idek, this is literally just a weird crack fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydnisan/pseuds/sydnisan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got this idea from a tumblr post. It is completely ooc and hilarious. Basically, Roose convinces Reek to mess with Ramsay</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Footsteps, light yet menacing, grew closer. They sounded purposeful and calculated, not like his lord’s footsteps, those were always quick and impatient, always ready to inflict pain. Reek shrank back as the normally creaky door opened without a sound. A chill swept through the open door and crept down Reek’s spine. A man with the same icy grey eyes of his master stepped into the room and looked at him. Roose Bolton.

He looked at Reek, his eyes feeling as if they were boring a hole in Reek’s thin skin, and stepped forwards. “Theon,” Roose began with his steady and even voice.

“No, no! Not Th- that name. Never that name. My name is Reek. It rhymes with freak. Reek,” rambled an already riled Reek. Roose was still for a moment. Reek wondered if he had been transformed into a statue, for he looked very much like one with his pale, stony exterior. Then he spoke once more.

“Never interrupt me again, Reek. Do you understand?” Reek nodded. He had no doubt that angering Roose would have painful consequences. “Now, I need to teach my unruly son a lesson. He has been giving me trouble as of late, and I cannot have him interfering with my plans.” Roose paused and made eye contact with Reek, who promptly looked away. “You are his most precious possession, and I intend to utilise you.”

In his addled brain, Reek began to wonder what that meant. Did Roose Bolton need his help? What could he do to help? And more importantly, most importantly, would that require going against Ramsay’s wishes? “H- how?”

The faintest of smiles appeared on Roose’s colourless lips. “I want you to fuck with Ramsay. Not literally, as you already do that, but figuratively. Mess with him. Dude, it will be hilarious, I promise.”

“He will hurt me for that. He will, I know it. I can’t- could never… I can’t!” Reek began to babble, panicking at the very idea of upsetting Ramsay. “You will mess with Ramsay. You will help me to teach him a lesson. Why? Because it will be hilarious. I don’t want you to anger him, so it won’t end in pain for you. I just want you to confuse him. You can do that, surely.”

Both remained in silence for a moment as Reek tried, in his fearful state, to decide the course of action which was least likely to end in flaying. Finally, he said, “Deal.”

Roose offered his fist. “Fistbump?”

Reek complied. “Bruh,” he said as their fists collided.

“Bruh,” echoed Roose. He then got up and walked to the door, and with his back towards Reek, put on some sunglasses. He looked at Reek through his sunglasses before leaving the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reek puts Roose's plan into action

The door swung open and slammed into the wall. Reek jumped and then cowered, his heart beating fast as Ramsay Bolton strode towards him. There was blood on his hands and clothes, even his face had scarlet stains. Reek was glad that for once, the blood was not his own.

“Did you miss me?” Ramsay asked, busily removing his messy tunic.

“Oh yes, my lord. I missed you so much, more than anything!” Reek said, crawling from his cramped straw bedding in the corner towards Ramsay, who awaited him with a smirk.

“Good,” he said smugly. “I hope you didn’t forget your name in my absence…” He watched Reek’s face, waiting eagerly to see that hint of fear in his eyes that always appeared whenever he mentioned Reek’s name. Sure enough, Reek tensed and stopped, as fear took hold. He looked even more scared than usual. This new level of fear delighted Ramsay.

“What’s your name?” he asked, his smirk having turned into a wide smile.

“Reek, Reek, it rhymes with Mozambique,” Reek replied in his usual trembling voice.

Ramsay froze and his smile disappeared before being replaced with a look of utter confusion. His eyebrows furrowed and his shapely mouth hung open slightly. “Reek, what the actual fuck?” He looked up, as if the gods would answer him, and when he looked down, his broken pet was wearing the coolest sunglasses he had ever seen.

Ramsay snatched the super cool sunglasses from Reek in a fit of fury, snapping them in his clenched fist. “Where did you get these?” he growled, brandishing the sunglass shards at his pet.

Reek backed away from the sunglasses, shaking his head as tears streamed from his bloodshot eyes. “I don’t know, master, I don’t, I promise you. I swear it, I swear it. They just appeared. I never meant to… I don’t know! Forgive me, I beg of you! I would never disobey you, never wear these without your permission, never even think to!” He looked up at Ramsay beseechingly and planted desperate kisses on his boots.

Seeing how terrified his pet was, Ramsay managed to calm down slightly. Nobody could feign such submission, especially not anybody as slow and stupid as Reek.

“Let’s try this again, my sweet.” Ramsay’s words were kind enough, but there was a warning in his voice that chilled Reek to the bone. Still, he knew he must persevere with the prank. It would be so fucking funny. He just had to.

“What’s your name?”

“Reek, Reek, it rhymes with Byzantine Greek.”

“WHAT. THE. FUCK. REEK?? WHY??? LITERALLY WHAT?? OH MY GOD!” Ramsay yelled, flinging the broken sunglass pieces at Reek one by one, followed by small items of furniture when he had run out of sunglass fragments. The last thing Reek saw before a blow to the head caused him to black out was Roose winking from outside the window with a large thumbs up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramsay tries to get answers from Reek but is interrupted by Tyra Banks and a helpful servant named Mark (partially based on this tweet https://twitter.com/tbhjuststop/status/464947819720507392)

A moist rag swept across Reek's battered face, dragging him into consciousness. He blinked with effort and looked around the blurry room. Ramsay sat beside him, his lips pressed together and his pale eyes focusing intensely.

"I'm sorry, my lord," Reek said in a cracked voice. 

"Shhh," Ramsay said. "The maester says you need rest."  _Since when does Ramsay care about what the maester says? He killed the last one for administering milk of the poppy without permission._ "Now listen to me, my pet. Tell me what was happening last night and perhaps I shall spare you the worst of your punishment." 

Reek looked at the bedsheets and began to mumble, "I-", when Ramsay interrupted.

"Look me in the eyes when you explain, Reek. I want you to see how disappointed in you I am."

Slowly, Reek moved his pupils to meet those ghostly grey chips of ice that belonged to his lord. "I was trying to improve my vocabulary..."

Ramsay's face hardened. "Trying to improve your vocabulary? And who are you to try and improve yourself, you massive nerd! You are such a fucking nerd, Reek, not worthy of a good vocabulary!" Ramsay pinned Reek's weak fists to the pillow and moved as if to straddle him. "You need to be taught a lesson."

"Wait," said Reek. "I want to be on top this time." Suddenly, the America's Next Top Model theme tune began to play as if from nowhere. It grew louder, echoes of Tyra Banks saying "wanna be on top" penetrating the ears of the two.

The music ended with the sound of a scratched record as Ramsay cried, "Reek! You don't even have a dick! What the fuck?? WHAT THE FUCK, REEK??? W H Y???"

"Idk, man. It was just an idea," shrugged the tortured man.

"An idea? AN IDEA?! You're not Daenerys fucking Targaryen! You can't just suddenly decide to be on top! Do you even know how gay sex works?? Jesus fucking Christ. You can't be on top if you don't have a dick or dick-like object. God dammit, Reek."

Reek held up his hands. "Well sooorrry. Jeez."

"I am going to be on top and that is that. These impertinent words will have consequences, Reek. Mark my words!"

The door opened and a timid young man walked in with a dictionary, tactfully ignoring the revealing position of the two. He handed Ramsay the dictionary.

"Thank you, Mark." Ramsay said. He put the dictionary down and fucked Reek.


End file.
